First of all I’d like to thank all those who commented and sent messages on my last post about angst. I was much heartened by your compassion. It was a very cathartic process with my shoulders feeling much freer now that the load has been shared. I’d like to now go sideways on that theme and talk about competition and judgement.

My perception of my childhood and younger adult life was that it was very competitive. I felt the pressure to be smarter, richer, more athletic, more devoted than another sibling – and I have a few of them. I strived to get better grades and show more talent. But the biggest pressure I felt was weight related. My mum had a negative outlook when it came to her weight and her appearance which rubbed off. My sisters and I would measure our thighs to see who had the largest.

As a young married mum my MIL would make a comment every time I ordered a dessert. “Oh that looks so rich and full of fat” from which I would hear “You are fat enough, you really don’t need to eat that because you’ll just end up fatter”. Yet the thing was at the time my husband did not have a clue what size I was (still doesn’t) because he loved me anyway. I was a very unhappy person at that time in my life, worried enough about my parenting skills enough without having to focus on how I looked. Quite clearly because they were the perm days!!

I’ve asked myself a lot of questions in the last few days trying to sort this angst stuff out and move past the self-doubt that I find seeping into my world. Thinking about priorities in life and how to achieve the goals I’ve set myself. I need to have the faith in myself that others have in me. I’m going to work more on sticking to what my morals are and not folding to keep the peace.

Today I said to myself “Stop thinking about this & give yourself a break” and just get through the day and a couple of things happened. I got an email newsletter from Nat Tucker from Make It Look Easy (which is about styling and looking great) in which Nat says “It’s time to stop letting the numbers dictate your life. You are more than the numbers” which is so true – how much you weigh does not define you and who you are. Your actions in your life define you not your dress size. The second thing that resonated with me was a live stream video that Kara Lambert, my business coach, posted on FB in which she said “Do not worry about your hair and makeup unless you are a makeup artist – don’t worry about that stuff because seriously people don’t care. They want to see you and hear what you have to say”. So worrying about weight is going to be the first thing to go.

So I’m thinking a lot about judgement and competition and how to let it go. (Cue the song from “Frozen”). I don’t have all the answers but I’m going to try to be more mindful of how these 2 words fit into my life and how I can do without them. I’m probably aways going to worry about the state of the house. As for what I cook – I’m going to keep telling myself to cook what I want to cook not what’s going to be spectacular and impressive. I’ve let myself care for far too long about others’ opinions and it’s time to stop now.  If you have any tips on how I can let competition and judgement not rule my life feel free to comment and let me know. And if you would be interested in a free meal cooked (or assembled :P) by me and helping me overcome my nerves in cooking for others comment below too.

Link to Make It Look Easy – being part of this group has been so inspiring:

Link to Kara Lambert business and social media coach extraordinaire:

PS here’s a couple of reno photo updates. We’re now in roofing land waiting for roofing quotes and then onto council approval which will take about 2 years knowing TTG council.

   Synthetic turf for my main man Roger on one side of the house




BBQ has arrived on the other side

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